Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
