this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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