that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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