3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
