What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
