Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
