if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
