I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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