Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
