We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
