i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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