He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
