I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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