It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
