Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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