I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
