What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
