i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
