I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just want to make out with him forever
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize