he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
