Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
