I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
