Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
