Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
