They should really pass out barf bags in church
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize