I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
