Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
