My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
