grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
