i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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