can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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