and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
