im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
