Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize