Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
