We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
