I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
