dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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