It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
