I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
