i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
