Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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