I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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