I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
