She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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