i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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