omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
