Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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