well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
