I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
