Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need a burrito and a hug.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
