I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
