hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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