It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Go christen that room with your naked body.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
