How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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