I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
