If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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