there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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