i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
