I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
