if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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