you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
