Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i love accidental penises.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
