i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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