you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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