is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
