She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
