yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
