I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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