she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
