I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
